Welcome to the World of Dot Eaters

Clean Jokes

A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the
approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.

I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear the dachshund says...................... "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Seeing-Eye Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knotfurlong

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line

453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake

1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone

2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles

365.25 days? = 1 unicycle

2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds

10 cards? = 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton

1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen..

1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin

10 rations? = 1 decoration

100 rations? = 1 C-ration

2 monograms? = 1 diagram

8 nickels? = 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital? = 1 IV League

100 Senators? = Not 1 decision

It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news. Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and Complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Boss: I notice you go out and get your hair cut during business hours.

Employee: My hair grows during business hours.

Boss: But it doesn't all grow during business hours.

Employee: I didn't get it all cut.

Back -- Back to Joke Page -- Next