Welcome to the World of Dot Eaters

Columns

Got an idea for a column, or care to write one yourself? Got something to add? Got something to suggest? Be sure to submit it!

Column Archive

Monthly Column - January/February

New Year Dissolutions

January 30, 2004 – Every year there are countless people who decide that the New Year is the perfect time to decrease their own imperfections by resolving to pursue a new weight-loss retinue, a smoking cessation program, or some other vapid objective to become a new person for the new year. In most cases, these efforts come screeching to a halt faster than the trip to the bathroom after a habanero and raisin breakfast burrito.

This year I propose a pursuit of dissolutions versus resolutions. This is the year to stare conformity and political correctness in the face and dissolve some of the ill-favored methodologies we as Americans have been force-fed for the past couple of decades (or more). If you need some help, take a look at my quick list:

This year, I refuse to watch any political debates on television as the only candidates shown are those who have raised more money to get elected than would be needed to feed thousands of poor kids a hot meal at school.
This year, I refuse to acknowledge any U.S. purpose in the Middle East. If thousands of years and God’s Will dictate that they won’t stop hating each other and blowing things up, I am ready to concede there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it. Plus, I would rather have the money we pump into our foreign policy efforts go towards something constructive here (like the hungry kids again maybe).
This year, I refuse to vote for any candidate affiliated with a major party. Partisan candidates don’t do what is right for the people they represent; they do what is right for the party they have sold their soul to. I’m personally tired of paying for politicians with not only my tax dollars, but also countless other non-tangibles (i.e. the health impact of lobbyist efforts to prevent or pursue things in the interest of money).
This year, I refuse to support any effort that reduces people to the lowest common denominator. For far too long, our politically correct way of getting things done has alienated the majority, while supporting the minority. It is time to refocus on efforts that adhere to the concept that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (thanks Mr. Spock). Case in point; did you know Mother Theresa once tried to convert an abandoned warehouse into an orphanage in the U.S.? It fell through when the government wouldn’t allow the conversion because there wasn’t adequate wheelchair access… so the building remained abandoned and the orphans remained orphans. In this case, would it be so evil to make special accommodations to send the kids and people needing wheelchair access somewhere else? I would hazard a guess that there probably wouldn’t be a lot of people to deal with.
This year, I refuse to watch any television that proves how easily manipulated, easily entertained, and how truly dumb people are. Any sitcom consisting of weak (albeit snappy) one-liners and insults… gone. Any drama popularizing the misery of the human condition… gone. And as far as the new wave of reality television… I prefer to pander to my voyeuristic tendencies the old fashion way; via hidden cameras and the Internet.

Submitted by Jason

Column Archive

The column section of Doteaters.com is new. We are in the process of generating several columns for your enjoyment. Keep checking back for new columns as they are added!